||[Mar. 30th, 2010|07:35 am]
as you can see, i've become a bit of a misfit
i know i shouldn't be here but... look at this void man.|
i still have have that gusto in me to admit i'm never bored.
but man, it sure looks blank whenever i come home, or where ever i go.
'cept what i write, but those words are still null because they only hold any distinction to myself.
See, i'm figuring april is the problem,
sun is shining and flowers are blooming,
and there ain't shit i wanna do in the bask of it all.
make my money at night, say all the right things to strangers in the false light,
and visualize some pretty gorish things as the sun rises.
i see beautiful people when i'm out, and my 7 minute cigarette is like that game in the closet.
yet all my dreams are day-to-day sequences of surviving various apocolypses.
but see, not much of this reality holds any benevolence when i do stand,
when i sit in the dark i prefer it in silence, mind you i prefer the dark.
and although it sometimes feels like "i live in grand central station" ... i still won't answer to anyone.
everything i want is at my mother fucking finger tips, except for this stupid ass april in my way.
i guess the only way to explain how i feel is to define the size of this void.
but not as a fraction, because i'm sitting on my reference point.
the future freaks me out because i've never met neone better then a fuck up with potential.
i want art, i want music, i want to create, but i just don't want to turn the light on...
...it totally ruins my down time.
ugh, i just don't know how much longer i can make it without change.
and i just straight up won't be as good of an associate if i did change.
fuck i deserve something but i don't know what.
and this is the intrusion as to why i'm never bored.